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Motives

Who and what is God to you? What does he represent in your life? I had to ask myself this question because I recently questioned my prayers. Many times we pray to God and wonder will he honor our prayer request or if he is even listening. In my mind, I wondered if my prayer request seemed shallow, superficial, or even selfish. For I know that if my prayer request exemplified any of those characteristics it wouldn’t reach God. In many of my prayers, I find myself asking God for more money, my dream house, and possibly an ideal career.

I didn’t think God was listening until he asked me what were my motives?

This wasn’t an easy question to answer. I had to question myself and my values.

Lord, I desire more money so that I can be able to put more inside your Kingdom, not for my own selfish pleasures. Lord, I desire a house so that my children can have a safe and comfortable place to call home not to brag or boost. Lord, I want to advance in my career so that I set an example of hard work, not for how people will perceive me.

When you are not right with God or yourself, it will show in your prayers. In all actuality, we can pray to God for anything. God is my father. He is the beginning and the end. Nothing is too big or too small for my God. Therefore, as a father, I can ask for anything and know that God will bless me with the desires of my heart. But my motives have to be good! If you are asking for things to draw attention to yourself, that’s not of God. And even if you receive those things without his blessings, they will soon flourish. Because he knows your heart.

James 4:1-3

What causes fights and quarrels among you, asks James. Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

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Power of Prayer

Every time I blog or write I pray over my hands. I pray over my hands for clarity, wisdom, and for people to see the work of God through my words. But yesterday I started writing without having a clear understanding from God and it set me back tremendously. I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t grasp exactly what point I saw trying to convey and this is all because I didn’t take the time out to pray. My mind was troubled.

It made me question myselfIf my mind was troubled because I didn’t take the time out to pray over my hands, what would my day consist of if I didn’t pray in the morning? How would my children behave, if I didn’t pray over their lives? What type of household would I have if the Lord wasn’t the head?

Furthermore, it made me think about my baby brother recent car accident. The driver lost control of the car due to hydroplane. The car went off the roadway, hit the embankment, launched into the air, hit an overpass and then rolled to a stop. His close friend passed away that day but my brother was able to make it out alive with a minor scar. I couldn’t help but to appreciate my grandmother daily prayers.

 Blessed are my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren they shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace.

If she didn’t pray for us the way she does, would I still have my brother? What would our lives be like if we didn’t have praying loved ones? This is a question that I do NOT want the answer to because I understand the power of prayer. The power of prayer can transform pain into triumph, death into life, and a drought into a flood.

We live in a world that is so difficult. Between trying to be happy and trying to survive, it’s hard to find a median. Sometimes we wish for someone to come in and save the day. But the rejoicing part is that we do! The Lord is waiting on our voice and our cry. He is waiting on an invitation to step in and save.

Job 22:27

You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows.

Permission to Celebrate

I don’t have the greatest track record, honestly. If you don’t believe me – ask my family! I’m sure they would love to go over a long list of don’ts I have completed but I’m sure I have a couple more mistakes up my sleeve! But because of my track record it made me scared to celebrate any of my accomplishments, even if it harried huge importance.

For instance, I wanted a baby shower. No matter how foolish it may sound to have a baby shower on your THIRD child. This was something I needed because it was something I never had. Eventually when you want something for so long that want turns into a deprived feeling. Also, I wanted a house warming. No matter how many failed leases I may have had in the past this one was important because it represented a new beginning.

I started to notice that I was my own worse critic. I stopped myself from enjoying life changing moments because I felt like I didn’t deserve them. I learned that this was simply a trick from the enemy attempting to steal my joy.

I am a child of God. I am royalty. I am worthy of the gifts from heaven.

The amazing thing about serving an almighty God is that your past doesn’t affect who you are. You are forgiven. The enemy does not have control over God’s grace. You have permission to be awesome, to be loved, and to enjoy life in his name.

Ecclesiastes 3:13

Also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil- this is God’s gift to man.

That’s My Dream

Every morning I wake up and work for Corporate America. They have their mission statement, goals, and values. My job is to make sure those values are carried out to the consumers. Therefore, between work and family I am offered a small window to dream.  Hence, my blog. My blog means so much to me. It gives me something to call my own and it gives me permission to dream. I can get so consumed with my day to day activities but my website gives me a unique goal to conquer.

When I have an opportunity to take advantage of building my website and developing a brand it brings me excitement. This weekend my children left for a sleep over. I have three children so this is a big deal! In my mind, I’m screaming “Yes, you can spend time with your dream!”.  I woke up Saturday morning did my hair, put on my cutest outfit, contoured my face, only to receive disappointment. One of my plans fell through. The fact that it fell through didn’t disappoint me, it was the way it fell through and who made it fall apart. It fell apart from someone who I help on the daily, someone who had the opportunity to help me build my brand and didn’t.

I’m angered. I’m talking in circles to God and to my husband out loud. How? Why? What? Only for me to understand that no one is going to work towards my dream but me. That’s the reason why it’s called My Dream! And any door that God closes for me is not a door I need to walk through.

Lord, thank you for those closed doors. Thank you for those denials! 

What God has for me no man can take away. 

I’m happy with humble beginnings. I’m now happy with starting from nothing because I know that when it becomes something I can say….by God’s grace I did that! More opportunities will come and more opportunities will leave. We have to have the determination to not give up.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

 

 

I Need This Friendship

Friendships are amazing but having a friendship with God changes everything. It changes who you are as person and where you stand in this crazy world. This is someone who comes to your rescue no matter if your right or wrong. Being inside his glory brings clarity into your darkest moments.

Have you ever listened to the Lord speak? 

One time the Lord came to me in the middle of the night. My then boyfriend at the time worked the night shift so I was home with just my children. I hate sleeping by myself so that night my two boys laid in the bed with me. I noticed that my two-year-old wet himself in his sleep. Seconds later I noticed my newborn wet himself as well – so much it went outside his diaper. I didn’t even know that was possible! After cleaning them both, I walked to the kitchen to get cleaning supplies. That’s when I noticed my kitchen floor was completely flooded. Out of frustration I yelled “Why Lord?” But he answered….

“Everything you have asked for you shall receive. Pressed down, shaken together and running over. That little boy you keep praying over…..stop worrying about him. He will take care of you during your last days. Tell your friend that her daughter is in heaven with me. She is fine”

When his presence left I cried with tears of joy. What an amazing God we serve to come and have a conversation with me in my time of need. See, I prayed over my newborn because I feared SIDS, and my friend daughter was just murdered the week before so the Lord knew her pain. Months later the Lord blessed me with a new home, a marriage, and a new career. Everything he promised, he did!

I don’t know about anyone else but I can’t lose my friendship with the Lord. I need that type of relationship that is going to speak life into my prayers. Someone that is coming to talk to me in the middle of the night because he knows his presence is welcomed and that I need him. If you don’t have a relationship with the Lord I beg of you to reconsider all your relationships because none is more important than one with him. ❤

Acts 17:27

God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.

 

 

 

Tackling Resentment

At one point of time resentment consumed me. If I didn’t like someone the feeling of discomfort lingered on me within their presence. Being an enemy of mine became a lifelong contract which I had no interest in renegotiating. Many may call it characteristics of a Scorpio but no horoscope can predict unforgiveness. This was a part of me. I am not proud of it but like any life lesson it grew me. I’m a true believer that you must have a test to have a testimony. In other words, life gives you lessons that teaches you who you are and who your meant to become. It’s never easy but it’s necessary. Those test that you receive in life can either ruin you or evolve you.

As for me having a child at a young age taught me transparency. Dealing with difficult relationships taught me humility. Each difficult transition in my life brought unexpected resentment. Resentment towards the people that mistreated me. Resentment towards myself for allowing certain people in my life. But the thing about resentment is that it’s heavy. The grudges weigh you down like a packed book bag that eventually you just have to pull behind you.

Eventually the weight becomes too much to bear. 

Holding on to resentment only hindered my soul and flawed my character. How could I expect to grow and be forgiven if I continued to carry the weight of unforgiveness?Praying and writing has always been my release. For anyone who is reading this I reveal to you a glimpse my life in hopes that my words can be of encouragement. I write about the hurt but it needs to be understood that within my pain is forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:31-32

31. Get Rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with any for of malice. 32. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 

The Struggles of A Young Mom

Each one of my pregnancies became beautiful and dynamic in its own way. With my first born the thought of having someone to call my own gave me chill bumps. A gorgeous little person growing inside of me that would call me mommy! The only downside is that I was young. Too young to be having a child. So, with that pregnancy I didn’t receive the normal treatment pregnant women usually receive. No attention or excitement. I was an outsider in my own world.

All I can remember is how everyone was so mean to me. When I walked into a room people stared with disgust, disappointment or pure shock. Honestly, it could have been all those feelings mixed in one. As the time went by the judgement and hatred only grew. I couldn’t walk around the mall without older ladies stopping to look at my baby then walking away with snickering remarks. I hated taking my daughter to soccer practice because I dreaded being around the other parents. How old are you? How old is your child? And every other question after that became more and more insulting as the practice went on.

Apart of me wanted to give up and run. Possibility abandon my life.

But the Lord transformed me though the whole process. Eventually my skin became tough. I was used to defending myself as well as my child against this judgmental world. I learned transparency because the same people giving me stares eventually told me stories. Stories about how they wish they had the courage to go through with having their child. I started as the talk of conversation to being the only listening ear in their time of need.

My daughter made me nurturing, patient, and motivated. She gave me determination not to become another statistic and led me to graduating with honors. But most of all she contributed to my purpose in this world. Having her was the hardest, most rewarding accomplishment of my life. I thank God for her and the journey. ❤

 

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.