Every morning I wake up and work for Corporate America. They have their mission statement, goals, and values. My job is to make sure those values are carried out to the consumers. Therefore, between work and family I am offered a small window to dream. Hence, my blog. My blog means so much to me. It gives me something to call my own and it gives me permission to dream. I can get so consumed with my day to day activities but my website gives me a unique goal to conquer.
When I have an opportunity to take advantage of building my website and developing a brand it brings me excitement. This weekend my children left for a sleep over. I have three children so this is a big deal! In my mind, I’m screaming “Yes, you can spend time with your dream!”. I woke up Saturday morning did my hair, put on my cutest outfit, contoured my face, only to receive disappointment. One of my plans fell through. The fact that it fell through didn’t disappoint me, it was the way it fell through and who made it fall apart. It fell apart from someone who I help on the daily, someone who had the opportunity to help me build my brand and didn’t.
I’m angered. I’m talking in circles to God and to my husband out loud. How? Why? What? Only for me to understand that no one is going to work towards my dream but me. That’s the reason why it’s called My Dream! And any door that God closes for me is not a door I need to walk through.
Lord, thank you for those closed doors. Thank you for those denials!
What God has for me no man can take away.
I’m happy with humble beginnings. I’m now happy with starting from nothing because I know that when it becomes something I can say….by God’s grace I did that! More opportunities will come and more opportunities will leave. We have to have the determination to not give up.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Friendships are amazing but having a friendship with God changes everything. It changes who you are as person and where you stand in this crazy world. This is someone who comes to your rescue no matter if your right or wrong. Being inside his glory brings clarity into your darkest moments.
Have you ever listened to the Lord speak?
One time the Lord came to me in the middle of the night. My then boyfriend at the time worked the night shift so I was home with just my children. I hate sleeping by myself so that night my two boys laid in the bed with me. I noticed that my two-year-old wet himself in his sleep. Seconds later I noticed my newborn wet himself as well – so much it went outside his diaper. I didn’t even know that was possible! After cleaning them both, I walked to the kitchen to get cleaning supplies. That’s when I noticed my kitchen floor was completely flooded. Out of frustration I yelled “Why Lord?” But he answered….
“Everything you have asked for you shall receive. Pressed down, shaken together and running over. That little boy you keep praying over…..stop worrying about him. He will take care of you during your last days. Tell your friend that her daughter is in heaven with me. She is fine”
When his presence left I cried with tears of joy. What an amazing God we serve to come and have a conversation with me in my time of need. See, I prayed over my newborn because I feared SIDS, and my friend daughter was just murdered the week before so the Lord knew her pain. Months later the Lord blessed me with a new home, a marriage, and a new career. Everything he promised, he did!
I don’t know about anyone else but I can’t lose my friendship with the Lord. I need that type of relationship that is going to speak life into my prayers. Someone that is coming to talk to me in the middle of the night because he knows his presence is welcomed and that I need him. If you don’t have a relationship with the Lord I beg of you to reconsider all your relationships because none is more important than one with him. ❤
God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.
At one point of time resentment consumed me. If I didn’t like someone the feeling of discomfort lingered on me within their presence. Being an enemy of mine became a lifelong contract which I had no interest in renegotiating. Many may call it characteristics of a Scorpio but no horoscope can predict unforgiveness. This was a part of me. I am not proud of it but like any life lesson it grew me. I’m a true believer that you must have a test to have a testimony. In other words, life gives you lessons that teaches you who you are and who your meant to become. It’s never easy but it’s necessary. Those test that you receive in life can either ruin you or evolve you.
As for me having a child at a young age taught me transparency. Dealing with difficult relationships taught me humility. Each difficult transition in my life brought unexpected resentment. Resentment towards the people that mistreated me. Resentment towards myself for allowing certain people in my life. But the thing about resentment is that it’s heavy. The grudges weigh you down like a packed book bag that eventually you just have to pull behind you.
Eventually the weight becomes too much to bear.
Holding on to resentment only hindered my soul and flawed my character. How could I expect to grow and be forgiven if I continued to carry the weight of unforgiveness?Praying and writing has always been my release. For anyone who is reading this I reveal to you a glimpse my life in hopes that my words can be of encouragement. I write about the hurt but it needs to be understood that within my pain is forgiveness.
31. Get Rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with any for of malice. 32. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Each one of my pregnancies became beautiful and dynamic in its own way. With my first born the thought of having someone to call my own gave me chill bumps. A gorgeous little person growing inside of me that would call me mommy! The only downside is that I was young. Too young to be having a child. So, with that pregnancy I didn’t receive the normal treatment pregnant women usually receive. No attention or excitement. I was an outsider in my own world.
All I can remember is how everyone was so mean to me. When I walked into a room people stared with disgust, disappointment or pure shock. Honestly, it could have been all those feelings mixed in one. As the time went by the judgement and hatred only grew. I couldn’t walk around the mall without older ladies stopping to look at my baby then walking away with snickering remarks. I hated taking my daughter to soccer practice because I dreaded being around the other parents. How old are you? How old is your child? And every other question after that became more and more insulting as the practice went on.
Apart of me wanted to give up and run. Possibility abandon my life.
But the Lord transformed me though the whole process. Eventually my skin became tough. I was used to defending myself as well as my child against this judgmental world. I learned transparency because the same people giving me stares eventually told me stories. Stories about how they wish they had the courage to go through with having their child. I started as the talk of conversation to being the only listening ear in their time of need.
My daughter made me nurturing, patient, and motivated. She gave me determination not to become another statistic and led me to graduating with honors. But most of all she contributed to my purpose in this world. Having her was the hardest, most rewarding accomplishment of my life. I thank God for her and the journey. ❤
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Remember when you were able to raise your head high? I thought to myself as the taste of blood stained my braces. At that moment I came to the realization that I was no better than the girls I use to judge. The girls that were hurt, abused, and disrespected became a reflection of myself. Isn’t it funny how we are so quick to judge other individuals? Constant self reminders of what we would and would not do – only to become a victim of our own criticism.
It’s never funny when the tables turn.
Like many Princesses before myself, I had to kiss a couple of frogs before I reached my Prince. It just so happen that this frog wanted to destroy my peace. The type of person who felt like hurting you wasn’t enough. He wanted to destroy my purpose on this earth. How foolish can my heart be to allow someone like this so close to me? But it wasn’t hard. He turned family into strangers, friends into enemies until I was alone…..with just him. The devil always isolates you.
That was the darkest time of my life. I don’t know if it was God’s favour or possibly my grandmother prayers but I was able to make it out of that situation with minor scars. The Lord had to humble my mind and protect my heart for me to become the woman I am today. I rejoice in the testimony. I look back at those weakest moments of my life and rejoice in the strength it has given me. For whoever is reading this I speak life within your darkest moments and I pray for discernment over each and every decision you make. ❤
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
I didn’t know her strength, honestly. At the time I had given birth two times already with a new baby growing inside of me. Pregnancy and childbirth became a familiar experience but I just watched my cousin give birth to twin boys Kingdom and Kingsley then watched them pass seconds later. How? Why? I couldn’t understand my reality at that moment – I don’t think she did either.
I walked out that hospital room and cried until my eyes couldn’t produce tears anymore. My phoned ranged from concerned family members only to advise them there isn’t a baby to take home. That night my whole family was hurt, there was nothing we could do or say to make the situation change but we prayed.
“Lord I ask for you to be with us today, as we ask of you everyday. Lord forgive us for our sins and listen to our cry. Lord we ask for your protection, healing, and strength during this time. For Lord we know not your plan but we give you the glory and the thanks in advance. Lord if you don’t do anything else we know that you have done enough but we know that you are a loving God, Lord we ask of you to just make this make sense.” -Amen
I’ve always been a strong believer that prayer works.
I later discovered that her cervix was too small to carry twins making her go into pre-term labor at 23 weeks. Six weeks later she became pregnant with a little boy. She had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. She named him Kingdom. Kingdom is such a beautiful and vibrant baby who currently has a baby brother on the way…Kingsley.
What an awesome God we serve. For when we think we are forsaken, he comes and restores with his plan.
Kingsley I’m so happy you are back. Can’t wait to see you again. ❤
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Getting married is a huge step at any stage of your life. There isn’t a time limit or preparation that can prepare you for another person. You either can see yourself with that person for the rest of your life or you can’t. The concept is quite simple. Some people may discover the answer sooner than later but no need to criticize that couple for coming into that realization at a young age. The most common myth is that you have to find yourself before you tie the knot. This myth is hilarious because it usually comes from the same people that would like someone to build with and to learn from.
So, how long does it take for you to find yourself?
As if you are not evolving day by day…
I had to learn that marriage does not come with a timeframe the day I said I do. I remember the rush of excitement like butterflies everywhere. My hands was clammy from sweat, my face was aching because I couldn’t stop smiling. But most of all my heart was filled with joy because the man I loved wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He was 23 at the time and I was 24 but somehow our age was never a deciding factor on our love or commitment for one another. However, when we came home the backlash was haunting. Yes, we had positive feedback but the “Why so soon?” and the “What’s the rush?” began drowning out the congratulations. Especially when it came from people we loved.
That night I felt hurt and confused. I didn’t understand why some people didn’t accept our happiness. My husband sat next to me and explained “I married you because I love you and God told me you are my wife. If God told me that who else approval would we need.” At that moment I knew that no timeline would change our love and no outside force can speak upon my life…..at any moment of my life.
Getting married is a commitment between you and the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. Make every moment with that person count rather it’s at the age 19 or 75. Love is Love ❤
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.